locus_ofcontro: (Longing & Angst)
October 16, 2008

A Sense of Closure
Cutting Cords

In every relationship, people are constantly exchanging energy that can become a chord connecting two people. This energetic cord forms just below the breastbone and can remain long after a relationship has ended. This unbroken cord may leave an open channel between you and another person, through which emotions and energy can continue to flow. If you are unaware that the chord exists, it is easy to feel the other person’s emotions and mistakenly think that they are yours. Besides the fact that this can limit the amount of closure you can experience in a relationship, letting this cord remain intact can leave you with a continued sense of sadness while creating feelings of lethargy as your own energy is sapped from you. Cutting the cord can help you separate yourself from old baggage, unnecessary attachments, and release you from connections that are no longer serving you.

Finding and cutting unwanted cords is a simple, gentle process that is best done alone and when you are relaxed. It is important that you are strong in your intention to release the chord between you and someone else. To begin, breathe deeply and perform a simple centering meditation. When you are ready, visualize or sense the chords that are connecting you to other people. Run your fingers through the cords to separate them until you find the cord you wish to sever. There is no need to worry, because the chord you need to sever will feel just right. When you have found it, determine where the cut should be made and then visualize the cord being cleanly cut. If you need assistance, Archangel Michael can be called upon to help you with his sword. Afterwards, if you feel that cutting the chord has left spaces in your energy field, then visualize those spaces being filled with healing sunlight.

There may be times where cutting a cord can help free a relative or loved one to reach new stages of growth. You’re not severing a relationship, but you are severing the chords that are no longer serving you both. At other times, a cord may simply refuse to be cut because it is still serving a higher purpose. It is also important to remember that cutting a cord with someone is not a replacement for doing your emotional work with people. It can, however, be an enactment of that work upon its completion. In any case, cutting a relationship cord should always be viewed as a positive and nurturing act. By cutting the cords that no longer need to be there, you are setting yourself and others free from the ties that bind.
locus_ofcontro: (Boring Update)
So. Let's see. What's new?

First of all, my front steps. About 3 weeks ago, the bottom step started coming loose and has been increasingly rocky. With a fervour that defies description, I employed my master skills of destruction on the front steps, and one of the shrubs in the front flower bed, yesterday.

As is par for the course, my skills of destruction are remarkably overshowed by my lack of skills of CONSTRUCTION. Now, I'd thought it would be fairly straight forward, replace the stringers, replace the top...all done, new steps.

uh... No.

The universe has, fortunately, blessed me with people like [ profile] knotty_mark and his gloriously TOLERANT love, [ profile] ladygiggles, who ensured I had a secure, stable and remarkably SOLID set of new steps prior to leaving my abode this afternoon.

In other notes, I've been, somehwat ordered off work for a couple of weeks. A few reasons, not the least of which is the new medication that I've been prescribed for my "restless leg syndrome." Tonight I will take my first dose of" Pramipexole". The information phamplet warns that "some people taking pramipexole have reported falling asleep suddenly during their usual daily activities, (e.g. talking on the phone, driving.) In some cases, sleep occurred without any feelings of drowsiness beforehand." Uh...what? That's right. One of the side effects is, narcolepsy. Granted, it's a rare effect, but still....that being said, the choice to continue NOT getting sufficient REM sleep to replenish my body, mind and...spirit... I'll risk the medication. I've had enough close calls while driving as it is, by not getting sleep, I dont' mind parking the car and trying to remedy the situation. I'm told to expect my CPAP machine by the end of the month, and that it will make a world of difference in my life, motivation, health and outlook. I can't wait. Oh...we're also removing the potentially crazy making hormonal influence to help me ...NOT yell at my boss in the hallway.

I watched The Golden Compass last night, snuggling with [ profile] curgoth after a lovely dinner at The Rude Native. Yum....fiddleheads!! Great movie, so totally setting up for the sequel. I remember listening to this series (His Dark Materials) while commuting and wondering then, what animal my demon would have settled into. That's a pondering moment.

I have a dull ache in my muscles from my busy day of destruction yesterday, which included using my new push mower on the very long grass in my back yard, ripping out a damn shrub, destroying my front steps and generally getting up to whatever mayhem & mischief I could.!! It's a good ache...but a hot bath with epsom salts will be a welcome end to this day.
locus_ofcontro: (Poly Spice)
Anatomy of a Co-Dependant Relationship Nicole WilliamsRead more... )
locus_ofcontro: (Boring Update)
My world has gotten crazy lately..

Relationships )

Work )

Home )

That's it for now. There's many people I'm missing as I've been too crazy to maintain contact. Still thinking about you.

Hoping to make it to One Acts & FASS.

oh..and thank god for decent sleep drugs!!
locus_ofcontro: (Faith and Rants)
from : Seven Levels of Intimacy by Matthew Kelly

"It is easy to get into the habit of judgment. Once we begin to judge people, things and circumstance, judgment can rule our inner and outer dialogue. An inner dialogue (the mental conversations we are constantly having with ourselves) of judgment creates nothing but restlessness and discontent. An outer dialogue of judgment destroys honest and open communication, because none of us want to make ourselves vulnerable if we sense we will be shot down by judgement...... Judgment is one of the great poisons that kill relationships......The ability to suspend judgment is an essential characteristic if we wish to explore the very depths of intimacy. The path that leads to intimacy is blocked to those who are unwilling or unable to practice non-judgment."

Hrm...I have lots of those inner dialogues, the ones that cause restlessness and discontent. They are the voices in my head that tell me that I don't measure up, that that person doesn't really like ME, that I'm not good enough. Those inner dialogues can paralyze me in so many ways, physically, emotionally and spiritually. They are the dialogues that I see so many of my clients have with themselves. They turn to drugs, alcohol and many other vices to drown out their own inner judgment. What do I turn to?
locus_ofcontro: (Faith and Rants)

One of the most common problems couples complain about is communication. In our mentoring work we are continually confronted with couples who believe they can "work out" their differences simply by talking. But, thoughts, language and the use of words make up just one form of comunication. We debate, dialogue, question, complain, argue, pursuade, cajole, profess, and in various other ways use words to convey information. When couples get trapped into thinking that words alone are what communication is all about relationships - even really good ones - tend to get bogged down in endless rounds of verbal processing.

While talking is vital, and most couples can use help in saying what they are experiencing, communication goes far beyond the spoken word. Marcia and I often remind couples, "Less talk generally equals more expression." Couples who rely exclusively on words often end up "discuss-dead." Expression, on the other hand, happens on multiple levels. Our emotions, actions, and physical contact are vital aspects of full expression.

Emotionally, couples communicate when they laugh, cry, tremble in fear, release their anger, reveal their delight and express needs, love and gratitude. This is not just saying words, but actually opening up to the real emotions. Most of us are cued into certain feeling states and cut off from others. One may feel anger but be unaware of need-- another may be able to cry but not express clear "self-affirming" anger. What feelings do you have trouble expressing?

Behavioral communication is essentially how we "speak" through our actions. Do you notice how your partner converses in behavioral language? Does s/he let you know you are important, protected, adored, feared, disliked, or ignored? Actions do indeed speak louder that words, yet they are often overlooked. Recently, a woman was complaining about her spouse's lack of sharing. I asked her to give an example of when she knew how he really feels about her. She recalled a time recently when she had been away from home for a long and exhausting day and she didn't get home until very late. He had to leave on a trip before she arrived, but when she finally got there she went to the bedroom and found her favorite pajamas folded and layed out on top of her pillow. He had spoken to her very clearly.

Physically, it may not be an over-statement to say that our ability to make bodily contact is our primary mode of communication. Couples can talk about their problems until they are "blue in the face", but unless there is pyhsical connection they will never really surmount their differences. Full intimacy involves touch. If couples wait until they "talk out" their problems before they touch or make love, they may be in for a very long wait. So much is communicated through our tenderness, erotic contact, comforting, playfulness and everyday physical contact that words are insufficient to describe it. Couples who are physical are communicating on the most elemental of levels.

In our mentoring work we engage couples on all these levels. Anything less is inadequate communication. Learning to express our emotions, meet each other through touch, and reveal ourselves through our actions are as essential to communication as the words we speak.
locus_ofcontro: (PENISES)
Someone told me today that they are using me. Not in any sense where they are using me with an intent to cause me harm or hurt me, but in fact they are hoping that I benefit from our interactions as well. It's more that they are using aspects of who I am, and how I relate with them to learn something and to help them heal.

They are using me to feel better, healthier and stronger in many ways. Physically, emotionally and, I believe, spiritualy.

I asked myself, if I'm ok with that. Am I ok, that I'm bringing good things to this person, HELL yes. I'm happy to bring them happiness in any way I can, even if it's just to be sufficient distraction to keep them from doing something stupid... Or perhaps...the thought of me with a baseball bat aimed at their head, is also healing...whatever. I'm happy to be filling whatever need, I'm filling right now...and it's not costing me anything to be there.

In fact, I'm gaining too. I'm practicing some long dead skills of my spirituality, getting practiced at staying present and facing my fears. I'm learning to trust and be vulnerable and open and spontaneous. I'm remembering that it's ok to feel safe and protected...but be strong and opinionated too...things I feel I've forgotten.

Am I ok with being used? Perhaps the larger question should be....who's using who?
locus_ofcontro: (Johnny The Homicidal Mania)
A Canadian Concept.. This is a review of a workshop held in Charlotte NC from a community I belong to.

locus_ofcontro: (Open)
I am the mother who told her lesbian daughter to invite her girlfriend over for dinner.

I am the father who punished his son for calling you a fag.

I am the preacher who told my congregation that love, not hate, is the definition of a true follower of God.

Iam the girl who did not learn the meaning of "homosexual" until highschool but never thought to question why two men might be kissing.

Iam the woman who argues (quite loudly and vehemently) with the bigotswho insist that you do not have the right to marry or raise children.

We are the high school class who agrees, unanimously, along with our teacher, that love should be all that matters.

If you agree, repost this. Do it. You don't have to be afraid. You can handle it. You're stronger than you think.

I am making a difference. Hate will not win.


locus_ofcontro: (Default)

January 2015



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