Growing Up

Goods & Not so Goods...

1. Long drives...time to think
2. Recognizing that I am having trust issues that are spilling out all over the place!!!!
3. Dinner with k_calypso, disappointing service
4. Deep Questions.... "Why do you surround yourself with things that frustrate you? Your job, relationships, etc.."
5. Beautiful snow covered trees
6. 2 more boxes emptied from my room and a picture hung up
7. New plans to replace cancelled ones
8. DRAGON SPEAKING!!!!
9. Lovers who are prepared to call my on my shit....and still send hugs my way.
10. Folded, clean laundry!!! and wives who care.

Reading lots of good stuff... On dealing with fears, self-care, relationships.

Recognizing I'm not moving forward and making much change right now cause my head is all caught up in getting moved physically.

Work is worrisome and had a case-load review...turns out 6 of the files I'm carrying are "ongoing" files ...another 8 can be closed as soon as I get the put into the computer.....That makes my numbers better...and would get me down to something that would feel manageable.

My house is a mess.  This weekend involves taking the car in again!!  Laundry,  Cleaning and hopefully sleeping.

Stayed up too late last night watching Superman Returns...very campy, nice special effects...

Committed to substitute teaching for the next 2 thursday evenings...I'm scared!  I haven't danced in a while..though I love R's student base and we generally have a good time.

s'all for now.  I'm yawning like crazy and considering crawling back into bed.

So, we went out dancing last night...muchas gracias to housemate R for sticking around home with the kidlet.  Had much fun.  Enjoyed the eye candy and watching so many beautiful people who move so well, getting their groove on, was...enchanting.

Got to thinking about the difference between going dancing at a 'straight" club and at a 'gay-friendly' club.  For me, I find the largest difference is in the sense of safety there.  People 'appear' to be more comfortable with themselves and each other, and less about putting on the show.  Or at least, if they are putting on the show, it's blatently apparent and hidden under layers of "this is who I really am".  I found I could smile at anyone there, male or female, and not feel like it mattered to them either way.  It was comforting and comfortable...(except for when it was a little erotic which was just...odd).  It feels safe to me, cause I don't feel like either a target or an enemy.  Where at straight clubs, sometimes it feels like everyone is all about the pick-up and the room gets divided into "object" or "competition".  That whole concept has always bugged me, and I spent YEARS going to clubs a lot.  It's nice to be somewhere where the lines are a little more blurred and you aren't sure if the eye candy you are gazing at swings your way or not...  And you aren't sure if the glance back is appreciation for your shoes, or for your boobs...  It's kind of freeing, not to KNOW and then of course, to not really care... See, for me, I identify as hetero-sexual but am certainly bi-friendly.  Stealing kisses and dancing close with beautiful people of any gender just makes me happy.

On a physical level, aside from the moments of "wow" that distracted me, I was surprised by suffering a bizarre issue with my equilibrium.  My balance is all out of whack!!  Combined with a slight tension through my knees when "grooving", tells me my body is suffering from the stresses of my head a little more than I'd like.  Also tells me, it may be time for a blood work up to see what's happening.  Thank goodness I have a phsyical booked for month end.  Though I may hit up the walk-in if the other stuff keeps up.

In other news, I work way too many hours and have way too much of it coming home with me. I'm looking closely at postings in KW to assist in the transition to the relocation.  This relocation has been coming for a while.  It's funny though that the big push for me is that it's time to be "housemate"-less.  I love having another caregiver in the house, a different perspective on life and new ideas and thoughts.  I will miss his presence...but at the same time, it's time to not be sharing our space.  I will miss the, at times, convenient availablility, of another person around to help with things, particularly with Katina and meals and such.  But I won't miss the need to repeat things several times, the shared refridgerator space and locking up cupboards when we go away.   I worry though.  I'm pretty sure he's not ready to be out on his own.  But that can't be our responsibility.  We've helped as much as we can for now.  Now the family unit needs to focus on our own stuff and it's too easy to use his presence as an excuse not to do our own internal processing and communication work.  We are doing well, but there is always room for improvement and the tools are in place and just need to be put to use.

Note to self...IM chatting and LJ posting...bad mix..