Growing Up

I truly am a moron. I could have taken my sleeping pill tonight to kick start my body into understanding the whole *SLEEP WHEN IN BED* thing.... I didn't. And here I sit. Awake.

I've been pretty quiet on LJ for a while, for a number of reasons including my brain being SO full, that I can't hardly think straight let alone write anything coherent.

So, here's a mini-update.

I'm in the process of trying to convince a family member to co-sign the mortgage with me, so that zagatto can be taken off of it. If that works, then I'll be having trinshadow and family move in, so we can create a "blended family" of sorts meeting several of their and my needs. I'm rather excited by the thought of 3 parents in the house with 2 kids. It almost seems managable.

I'm still poly. I'm having lots of intense and challenging moments with BFHS, who will likely be indoctrinated into the Tribe, once he has discovered the value of an actual calendar. curgoth and I had a wonderful picnic yesterday on the banks of the Grand River and managed to stumble our way around "New Hogsmeade" as part of the Harry Potter celebrations. It was wonderful to re-connect with him on so many levels, and he showed me how to look at several calendars at once. I have tentatively scheduled coffee with an elusive friend and am looking forward to that indulgence.

My kink side is suffering. The need to have the tension flogged out of my shoulders is creeping ever so slowly into the forefront of my priorities. I need to be gentle with my self and very careful.

My brain is foggy on a lot of levels meaning I am struggling with motivation, completions of initiated tasks and desire to be present at home. I'm being an escapist. I have so many books here and none in my hand, just a longing to have them all in my head. I recognize this pattern as fear of change and challenges. It's why I've been where I've been for so very long. It was always easier. It's not easier to stay in that space right now, but the shift is slow going and in the meantime other things are suffering while my brain does it's work. Mostly laundry & house cleaning!!

Well, I'm yawning now, and that may be a good sign... So I'm gonna try this sleep thing again.