fears & vulnerabilities

That's really what it boils down to.  I spent way too long at the studio last night.  Only to determine that I have no idea how to cheoreorgraph a piece.  I have no clue what music I am performing to and frankly am about THIS CLOSE to backing off on the whole damn thing.  Then I sat down to try to sort out what this mess is all about. And it's fear.

 

I'm terrified.  I am terrified that I might be an ok dancer and that people paying me to teach them is a good thing.  I'm terrified that these opportunities may grow into something that I LIKE.  Something that might grow somewhere...Is this a dream? or a Want?  safadancer  know's how I feel about wants...  Then there's the ugly side of being afraid.  I'm afraid that I'm really NOT good enough.  That I really shouldn't be teaching dance or sharing my knowledge.  That I really CAN"T do it...And ought not to try.

That one's big.  And brings a suitcase full of insecurities to with it.  Most of them reflected in the mirror at the studio, involving stretch marks, upper arms from hell and just general malcontent with my appearance... The WHOLE package issues.... I know... Self-esteem issues... That's life...

Well, I've been typing while waiting for the alarm company to call me.  Now they've called and it's time to get on with life.