Happy New Years!!!I have never really understood what the big deal is... But I can play along if the circumstances warrant. Once again, the evening is quiet and not so remarkable. We've returned from the household party in order to get missy meltdown to bed... It's 11:30pm and she's tucked in, the rest of the house is playing Guillotine and I'm thinking about the year behind me and the new one upcoming.
There's been a lot of changes for us this year. We started the year by both being out of work. I was teaching dance a lot to help make ends meet, and focusing on efforts to dust off my 9 year old Bachelor's degree. I spent a great deal of time soul searching and finally began to target the Social Work field looking specifically to work with woman and children. Being hired in the child protection field has been both a blessing and a curse, a challenge in every way and a joy in all ways.
Having a regular income has been a relief, being surrounded by empathic, caring people and really feeling like I am helping those people I can has been a wonderful experience. The challenges faced include the commute time, balancing
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zagatto's work schedule with my own, adapting to the environment and having to make tough decisions based on my new understandings of many things... If I look at 2005 objectively, it's been the year of re-discovering my path in life.... And finding the path, has meant stumbling on some of the rocks along the way.
zagatto and I have grown immensely over this year after a period of challenge. I learned that I can function quite well (in many ways better) as a single parent, but that my child is truly blessed to have the love and committment of both of her parents. I have again turned my eyes inward to get re-acquainted with parts of myself long buried. There's been some painful conversations and painful choices made in my house, and many many tears, but we have come through stronger and more secure than ever. Even if our love for each other never sets a bed on fire, it's stalwart and true and there's a great deal to be said for that in this era of disposable relationships.
In other relationships, I have learned about the value of honesty in my friendships, and the challenges of really knowing the people that you care about in your life. I have re-discovered the challenges and thrills of passion and fire in interactions with friends and lovers. I have looked deeper into my sexual needs than I ever have in the past, and am both thrilled and terrified by what I see there. I have been blessed with friends who love me for who I am, and who I am growing up to be. I have friends who are more family to me, than my family has ever been, or ever will be.
What do I foresee?
In the New Year, I am looking to watching
zagatto chose a path for life... I have faith that his choice this time will be based on a long term comittment and a need to be settled.... His chosen path will directly impact "where we go" from here. I suspect a relocation will happen, either closer to my work place if his path travels that way... If his path takes him another, I'll be looking to change my work location yet again. However, my field will remain the same or close, and the change for me, will not include me leaving my field of work and study. I am looking forward to settling us both in work environments of growth, and a social environment of supportive and healthy friendships.
I hope to be participating in a week-long belly dance workshop in June, returning to Melee that I've not partaken in for years, looking at either Burning Man or Pennsic for August... and hopefully, a weekend or two without the Child, to revel in the contentment of my marriage.
By fall, we'll need to be settled, for Katina will be of an age for Pre-Kindergarten.... already!!
I hope to gain some better understanding of the challenges of the last few months, both conversationally, physically and emotionally in order to continue to grow as a person, friend, lover and partner...
We'll have to see what the new year brings.
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