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In and Out of my own way
Mar. 15th, 2009 11:05 amA challenge was issued last night and I failed it. I have been ruminating on it and other things, and know why. I have all kinds of justfications and reasons I can profer, but none of them are "real".
What's real is that I externalized the challenge and did not take it into challenging MYSELF. I forgot a vital piece of this whole living thing.
Living is different from being alive. Karaoke is not something I would "chose" to participate in, and the reasons why are foolish. They come from my sense of "OTHER PEOPLES EXPECTATIONS AND JUDGEMENT." But here's the thing.
I love to sing songs, I'm proud of knowing the lyrics to things and enjoying singing along with my radio. Yet. I. Would. Not. Sing.
Sure, I played along, put my name in...but I left before it could be called.
I've sung the song since, this morning to the trees, and birds and the calm waters of the lake.
But in reality, this is yet another example in my life of how I get in my own way. I forget that it's about MY sense of what is fun, MY sense of what is ok. Not other peoples expectations, demands. If my voice is that bad, they can cringe and cover their ears!
I missed that was lesson I was supposed to get at midnight last night. I did not understand it until this morning when I started to think about what really happened there.
New Rule for Rebecca - if you go to Karaoke - you WILL SING at least one song. Because that is what makes it fun. For all the same reasons, you will dance when music is playing and smile at your daugther's antics.
LIVING - is getting out of your own way, and doing it because it's an experience, and new, and ...challenging...
Who's coming sky-diving this year? I messed up, I didn't make it a priority last summer, even though I said I would. I continually got in my own way. I keep waiting for someone to give me a push.
What's real is that I externalized the challenge and did not take it into challenging MYSELF. I forgot a vital piece of this whole living thing.
Living is different from being alive. Karaoke is not something I would "chose" to participate in, and the reasons why are foolish. They come from my sense of "OTHER PEOPLES EXPECTATIONS AND JUDGEMENT." But here's the thing.
I love to sing songs, I'm proud of knowing the lyrics to things and enjoying singing along with my radio. Yet. I. Would. Not. Sing.
Sure, I played along, put my name in...but I left before it could be called.
I've sung the song since, this morning to the trees, and birds and the calm waters of the lake.
But in reality, this is yet another example in my life of how I get in my own way. I forget that it's about MY sense of what is fun, MY sense of what is ok. Not other peoples expectations, demands. If my voice is that bad, they can cringe and cover their ears!
I missed that was lesson I was supposed to get at midnight last night. I did not understand it until this morning when I started to think about what really happened there.
New Rule for Rebecca - if you go to Karaoke - you WILL SING at least one song. Because that is what makes it fun. For all the same reasons, you will dance when music is playing and smile at your daugther's antics.
LIVING - is getting out of your own way, and doing it because it's an experience, and new, and ...challenging...
Who's coming sky-diving this year? I messed up, I didn't make it a priority last summer, even though I said I would. I continually got in my own way. I keep waiting for someone to give me a push.
