locus_ofcontro: (Kids)
I'm a tired girl with some piddly little things I want to do tonight for work before I sleep.
I'm sorry to be missing out on the housewarming party in TO...

But I have the best company in the world tonight.

My K, and her adopted little brother!! We're having a sleepover.

EDIT** too tired to work...both kidlets in MY bed...crashing now!!
locus_ofcontro: (Kids)
locus_ofcontro: (Kiki - thinking)
It was bound to happen sooner or later...

The grandmother has gratefully stolen the child for the weekend. The lady that owns the cottage next door to grandma, lives near here and offered to drive her down to grandma's house. So, at 6pm, my kidlet content with her gameboy and tiger, was bid goodbye by her daddy and went away on her first road trip.

She arrived at grandma's after 10:30. I had called frantically 2 times before that wondering what in the heck happened to them. Turns out there was an accident on the 401 and they got stuck in traffic, so at 10:30 last night, the little one was crying on the phone to me, that I needed to come there to sleep with her. My heart ached. She was so cute on the other end of line, telling me she really really missed me and I needed to come and get her.

Grandma took the phone away, and said good night, and settled her. I hear through the grapevine that about 2 minutes after the phone was hung up she was fine again and excited about her weekend away.

WE'RE CHILDFREE. And he's been home with a miserable cough for 2 days and I'm nursing a migraine. Doesn't that just figure?

The plan, is to prep the house for viewings and welcome any company that wants to drop by to offer their hands and opinions. We'll be around.
locus_ofcontro: (Default)
Every body fights, most couples have at least one good row in their relationship. SO why did I call 911?

- cause your fight was loud enough to wake me up, two doors down
- cause your fight involved you crying loudly
- cause he broke your door open last time
- cause your daughter is only 5
- cause his words are always violent, even when he's not yelling them at you so loud I can hear it
- cause your daughter is scared of him, and cowers when he speaks to her
- cause he was escalating

He drove off while I was on the phone, and I heard the panic in the dispatcher's voice that he may have already done you a violence. This time, I think it was just verbal. JUST verbal.

Some information for y'all on what I see every day regarding the effects of domestic violence on children.

What is it?

Symptoms in kids

What do they do?

Myths vs. Facts

Cycle ends in separation or death

Why does a dentistry site have such a comprehensive wheel?

Addictions and Violence
locus_ofcontro: (Work)
that taking a tired, cranky, I WANT MY DADDY preschooler to look at houses...should be shot.
locus_ofcontro: (Johnny The Homicidal Mania)
the child is always a surreal experience.

Tonight, she says to me... "but mom, my butt is falling asleep, I should just spank it, so it stays awake"


Dec. 30th, 2005 06:08 pm
locus_ofcontro: (Johnny The Homicidal Mania)
Damn spouses and their germ sharing...

[ profile] zagatto has given me his cold, my voice started echoing in my head during my legal updates this morning... LOST my morning to legal!!! Didn't get to see all the clients I wanted... Have monday off...but feel SO overwhelmingly behind at work, I WANT to go in. I brought my laptop home so work stuff may happen.

2 sick adults...hrm... what are WE doing for New Years? gah... we'll see.

In other notes, Katina had her first sleep-over the other night... my house is a disaster zone!! As [ profile] zagatto so aptly put it, "these two 3-yr-olds could teach King Kong how to destroy cities".

Hope every one is having a wonderful Holiday.


Nov. 29th, 2005 09:56 pm
locus_ofcontro: (Drowning)
Ok...So my child has not gone to sleep before 10pm since we returned from Vacation.
Instead she plays and calls "momma, momma" loudly for AGES. The sitter told me she was in bed by 7:45 tonight. As soon as the door closed behind the sitter, she was yelling Momma at the top of her lungs. Now granted, she doesn't LIKE her babysitter...but it's now 10pm. I've been up, snuggled and cuddled and threatened. Next step is to take away the night light and close the door.

Sigh... I know it's just a matter of getting her back into schedule...but it would be nice to have some downtime of MY OWN.
locus_ofcontro: (Drowning)
With my sick child once more.
For those of you keeping track...we're up to about 10 days in the last 4 months... Every 2nd week, I am missing a day or two of work with a sick child.
Thankfully, I have a great pediatrician. She has ordered more blood work and it sounded like she is planning on checking anti-body counts? Whatever that means this time around.
and then there is my little trouper... She just offers her arm, and watches the blood go into the vial. Not a sound out of her. Had them give her the flu shot as well.

I knew I'd be tired after KNaNO... but I am much more tired due the screams of pain between 2:30-4am this morning....

Thanks for the snoggles at KNaNO for those that offered, proffered and otherwise made themselves available... I NEEDED that. I might actually make it through this week.
locus_ofcontro: (Johnny The Homicidal Mania)
So the calendar says "Pittsburgh" this weekend.  However, the not stop pressure headache thanks to the weather this week, last nights home invasion of "monsters", general malaise and a request from my hubby to stay home has resulted in a change of plans. Katina's current 101.2 fever is another good reason to stay put...."mommy my neck hurts" always makes me nervous....

I have brought my laptop home, in case there is time for work/work... and [ profile] zagatto and I have lots of conversations to try to have that have been hovering over the last little while.  Laundry, a vacuum run, and floor mopping and possibly a shopping trip to the local S...X... shop might just be in order...

Slight attention to other's LJ's has informed me that Crown Tourney is this weekend... "who knew??"  But it's not high on my to do list... We may discuss it, more as an opportunity to take the drive and enjoy the conversation in the car...

So, I'm around.. .I'm here... I"m still spending too much time in my head.

Shout out to [ profile] safadancer.... I'm so sorry babe... you're still my best girl.
locus_ofcontro: (Drowning)
that seems to be the questions bouncing around in my head.. Now it could have a great deal to do with the emotional rollar-coaster I'm finding myself on lately...but it could be deeper than that.

I look around at my to do list and find myself just wanting to crawl into bed and weep for a week.  That includes the work stuff.  I should be writing case notes but I'm so physically and emotionally exhausted.. I should be vacuuming again, but Katina is just to bed and it will keep her awake.   I should be drafting a new CD, but that involves spending time in the basement....It's like I have an excuse for all the things I'm not getting done all the time.

I know I can be independent.  But I also know that it takes me a while to get into my "just do it" frame of mind.  I haven't had a chance to get there yet... and once I get started, it seems to get yoinked.  This is not the best parent I can be.  I am guilty of plugging my girl into media just to get dinner and some dishes done tonight.  So much for quality time.  I read a statistic recently that children of working parents get less sleep on average than they should due to the lateness of their evenings.  Katina was the first one to arrive this morning and the last one to leave.  11 hours of daycare.  How can I be so responsible for other people's children when I can't even put my own first??

The fact that I am filling my head with "that damn book" probably isn't making matters any easier.  No wonder I'm tired.  My brain won't shut up.
locus_ofcontro: (ARGGHGGh)
jiggity jig...

Katina has a viral infection... Finally took her to the walk-in clinic last night so I could figure out what's going on. R has stayed home with her most of this week. I'm home with her today. I am SO STRESSED OUT.

I am way behind at work and am missing days for training and for a sick child... I know I shouldn't fear for my job over this but I do. The fact that I am at least TRYING to work remotely isn't helping. I can't get connected to the VPN at work.

I can ping them, I can cruise the net, but can't access the VPN... WTF... Tech support at the office is as frustrated as I am... So now I am on hold with Primus Tech Support to see if there is a block on their end...
If not, it could be router specific... which I am at a LOSS how to resolve...grrr...

SO I'm on hold.. tired.... cranky... and sick of cleaning my house...
locus_ofcontro: (L'Ange)



Sep. 11th, 2005 10:38 am
locus_ofcontro: (Drowning)
Ugh... I feel so sick.
I woke up around 3am with nausea...  it's not going anywhere...

I took a gravol at 8 when sleepy Katina got up and it hasn't touched it... Glad I came home last night....

Went to KW for the day,.... my gf has a little one about 6months younger than Katina... the girls ran and ran and had so much fun... .Katina was still up past 11pm last night when we got in the car to head home... This morning Katina says her legs hurt from running so much... LOL...

It was a nice day... I have a dream of buying a house with them... we have so much in common and the girls love being able to play together....

yuck... I hate feeling nauseaus....
locus_ofcontro: (Love in disguise)
Out of the mouths of babes...

Tonight Katina wanted a snuggle... So in I crawled (with casenotes flying through my head that needed to be written), into her bed with her.  She laid her head on my arm and we talked.  I asked her what she dreams about when she sleeps...she said she didn't know.  And aske me...What are your dreams mommy... ?? I hesitated a moment... then answered her...  Dancing, a house I am proud of, helping people in meaningful ways, travelling and seeing far away places... "seeing with your eyes, all BIG... SHOW ME" she cries... So I widen my eyes and show her... Then I asked her what her dreams are... her response... "making pinatas, putting on my pretty dress, having a prom"...

And so we snuggle...

It's 8:06

Aug. 30th, 2005 08:08 pm
locus_ofcontro: (Beach Boogie)
and is your child tucked in?
Mine is, but sleeping  NOT!!  She's not quite figured out that "tucked in and good night" means no more stuff... no more drinks, no more books and no more trips for Mommy up the stairs.

Gentle reminders don't work, consistent patterns aren't working..ARGGGGGGHHHHH...

The housemate was kind enough to remind me that we went through similar challenges when [ profile] zagatto went on the last outage, which were resolved after a couple weeks of consistency.  All I can hope is that the same pattern reigns here.  At this point, she's shouting down the stairs "I'm thirsty, I need some milk".  I am studiously ingnoring her.  Shortly she moves into a singsong voice with the same chant.... eventually I will get irritated, either cave in and get her a glass of milk, or go up and explain to her (AGAIN) that when I asked her before I tucked her in, if she needed anything else before bed that included a glass of milk, and that I am not bringing her one now because she has been tucked in and it's bed time.

Alternatively, I have taken the gate down, and she can make her own way to the bathroom for a glass of water, and tuck herself back into bed..... which appears to be the option she has chosen as I hear her footsteps cross the hallway....

The insurance crew is due here by 9am tomorrow morning, and Katina is due at the Pediatricians by 10:30.  Hopefully we'll have results.  Her temperature has been down all day, and her behaviour is back to normal.  Frankly I'm thinking she has an inflated allergic reaction to mosquito bites that pushes her fever up.... I'll have to keep track.  But I'm glad they took the tests and if all goes well, she'll be back at DayCare by noon and I can hopefully get to work.  I hate being off like this...

So... I'm wrapping up to go draft an affadavit....

locus_ofcontro: (Johnny The Homicidal Mania)
Well, the drugs seem to be working.  Only using OTC medication at this point while we wait for the results from yesterday's tests.  This morning's temperature was down to 102 but still too high for daycare.  Her attitude and demeanor is back to normal.  Tired but playing and talking and carrying on.  Daycare won't take her back until she's had a normal temperature for 24 hrs.  I dropped off the urine sample this morning and she has a follow up appointment with the pediatrician at 10:30 tomorrow morning.

Now the hard thing is my internal stress about missing work.  I can take my days off as Overtime Days, or as sick days.  I'm not past my 6 months probabation yet, so have no benefits.  In my head, I am terrified they will think I am lying, or trying to avoid working.  I am such a work-a-holic it's very difficult for me to take any time off, particularly if I don't feel entitled to it.  Now I realize that this isn't about entitlement, and my daughter will ALWAYS come first.  But this job is precious to me, after the length of time I have had unemployed anything that feels risky is hard to me to handle.  I feel like I should be doing more all the time rather than enough.  It's easy for me to bury myself in work rather than in my other committments and responsibilities, even at times my daughter.  I have offered even to drive to Niagara to pick up some files and my laptop so I can work on legal stuff that's due next week.  Even though I KNOW how crazy that is, I'm still considering it. 2 hrs drive to maybe get a chance to do 3 hrs of work.... It's not the best scenario.  As it is, I have made some calls, talked to the office a few times, made myself available at my home number and cell number in case anything comes up...AND I will draft what legal documents I can. And suck it up. This is my daughter, she is more important then my job and any company that can't deal with that is not a company I want to work with.  We can handle a few lost paid days for me, while Joe is on the outage, so I should just enjoy the time with her and SUCK IT UP.    I'm dealing with the frustration by cleaning my house... vacumming, laundry etc... which needs to be done anyway...  And watching my daughter play around with a variety of toys she doesn't usually take the time for...  She's also getting an Inuyasha fix...

And getting a chance to talk on MSN and yahoo with a few people I don't normally get to chat with anymore.
locus_ofcontro: (Johnny The Homicidal Mania)
SO... [ profile] zagatto is away and naturally Katina has fallen ill.  I called in "sick" today letting them know I had to take Katina in to the doctors.  The doc's are concerned.  Her fever at the office was 104F. That's high for a child and boderline to seizures.  SO, they took bloodwork, they want a urine sample (try that with a preschooler, uh huh).  Katina was a real trouper for the bloodwork.  She didn't even cry or bat an eyelash, which frankly tells me how sick she is.  They are testing for West Nile virus, due to the mosquito bites, and who knows what else.  The unine sample is to eliminate a bladder infection, motivated by her having had 2 accidents last week at daycare.  So now we're home again.  I've given her some tempra and need to get out to pick up some Advil for her.  The pediatrician recommended trading them off, and indicated if hte fever doesn't come down today/tomorrow I'm to call the office.   Also I have to take her back in on Wednesday at 10"30 for a check up.  Thank goodness many of my fellow employees are parents as well.

Katina is enmeshed in Inuyasha again, and won't eat or drink anything, so I'm heading for the freezies and going to make some Jello.

Wish me luck...

P.S.  found out that our family doctor (that retired without telling us or even her peers) suffered from Huntington's disease, a terminal illness that strikes in middle age.
locus_ofcontro: (Drowning)
Virgo Horoscope for week of June 16, 2005

Virgo (August 23-September 22) The ancient Greek physician Hippocrates is known as the father of medicine. Even today, the approach that he and his followers formulated remains a major influence, epitomized in the Hippocratic Oath sworn by all new doctors. His views on horoscopes might be shocking to some, however. "A physician without a knowledge of astrology," he wrote, "has no right to call himself a physician." I wish modern MDs would take that part of Hippocrates' wisdom as seriously as they do the rest; the art of healing would be more efficacious if it included an understanding of patients' astrological makeup. Now please apply this approach as you revisit the ideas that are at the foundation of what you believe, Virgo. In other words, explore the original sources of your inspiration and education. See if there are vital aspects of the wisdom contained therein that you have missed or ignored.

OK. ... I find it really really interesting, that the week I have spent trying to sort my health out is also the week that FREEWILL mentions Hippocrates in my horoscope... BIZARRE....  Oh, and I had X-Rays of my lungs & sinues and have started on a corticosteriod inhaler.  The inhaler appears to be working wonders.  I have barely coughed for a full day... (course the lifting of the smog advisory might have something to do with that).
Work stuff )


locus_ofcontro: (Default)

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