Growing Up

I'm a tired girl with some piddly little things I want to do tonight for work before I sleep.
I'm sorry to be missing out on the housewarming party in TO...

But I have the best company in the world tonight.

My K, and her adopted little brother!! We're having a sleepover.


EDIT** too tired to work...both kidlets in MY bed...crashing now!!

It was bound to happen sooner or later...

The grandmother has gratefully stolen the child for the weekend. The lady that owns the cottage next door to grandma, lives near here and offered to drive her down to grandma's house. So, at 6pm, my kidlet content with her gameboy and tiger, was bid goodbye by her daddy and went away on her first road trip.

She arrived at grandma's after 10:30. I had called frantically 2 times before that wondering what in the heck happened to them. Turns out there was an accident on the 401 and they got stuck in traffic, so at 10:30 last night, the little one was crying on the phone to me, that I needed to come there to sleep with her. My heart ached. She was so cute on the other end of line, telling me she really really missed me and I needed to come and get her.

Grandma took the phone away, and said good night, and settled her. I hear through the grapevine that about 2 minutes after the phone was hung up she was fine again and excited about her weekend away.

WE'RE CHILDFREE. And he's been home with a miserable cough for 2 days and I'm nursing a migraine. Doesn't that just figure?

The plan, is to prep the house for viewings and welcome any company that wants to drop by to offer their hands and opinions. We'll be around.

that taking a tired, cranky, I WANT MY DADDY preschooler to look at houses...should be shot.

Damn spouses and their germ sharing...

zagatto has given me his cold, my voice started echoing in my head during my legal updates this morning... LOST my morning to legal!!! Didn't get to see all the clients I wanted... Have monday off...but feel SO overwhelmingly behind at work, I WANT to go in. I brought my laptop home so work stuff may happen.

2 sick adults...hrm... what are WE doing for New Years? gah... we'll see.

In other notes, Katina had her first sleep-over the other night... my house is a disaster zone!! As zagatto so aptly put it, "these two 3-yr-olds could teach King Kong how to destroy cities".

Hope every one is having a wonderful Holiday.

With my sick child once more.
For those of you keeping track...we're up to about 10 days in the last 4 months... Every 2nd week, I am missing a day or two of work with a sick child.
Thankfully, I have a great pediatrician. She has ordered more blood work and it sounded like she is planning on checking anti-body counts? Whatever that means this time around.
and then there is my little trouper... She just offers her arm, and watches the blood go into the vial. Not a sound out of her. Had them give her the flu shot as well.

I knew I'd be tired after KNaNO... but I am much more tired due the screams of pain between 2:30-4am this morning....

Thanks for the snoggles at KNaNO for those that offered, proffered and otherwise made themselves available... I NEEDED that. I might actually make it through this week.

that seems to be the questions bouncing around in my head.. Now it could have a great deal to do with the emotional rollar-coaster I'm finding myself on lately...but it could be deeper than that.

I look around at my to do list and find myself just wanting to crawl into bed and weep for a week.  That includes the work stuff.  I should be writing case notes but I'm so physically and emotionally exhausted.. I should be vacuuming again, but Katina is just to bed and it will keep her awake.   I should be drafting a new CD, but that involves spending time in the basement....It's like I have an excuse for all the things I'm not getting done all the time.

I know I can be independent.  But I also know that it takes me a while to get into my "just do it" frame of mind.  I haven't had a chance to get there yet... and once I get started, it seems to get yoinked.  This is not the best parent I can be.  I am guilty of plugging my girl into media just to get dinner and some dishes done tonight.  So much for quality time.  I read a statistic recently that children of working parents get less sleep on average than they should due to the lateness of their evenings.  Katina was the first one to arrive this morning and the last one to leave.  11 hours of daycare.  How can I be so responsible for other people's children when I can't even put my own first??

The fact that I am filling my head with "that damn book" probably isn't making matters any easier.  No wonder I'm tired.  My brain won't shut up.

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Out of the mouths of babes...

Tonight Katina wanted a snuggle... So in I crawled (with casenotes flying through my head that needed to be written), into her bed with her.  She laid her head on my arm and we talked.  I asked her what she dreams about when she sleeps...she said she didn't know.  And aske me...What are your dreams mommy... ?? I hesitated a moment... then answered her...  Dancing, a house I am proud of, helping people in meaningful ways, travelling and seeing far away places... "seeing with your eyes, all BIG... SHOW ME" she cries... So I widen my eyes and show her... Then I asked her what her dreams are... her response... "making pinatas, putting on my pretty dress, having a prom"...

And so we snuggle...

Well, the drugs seem to be working.  Only using OTC medication at this point while we wait for the results from yesterday's tests.  This morning's temperature was down to 102 but still too high for daycare.  Her attitude and demeanor is back to normal.  Tired but playing and talking and carrying on.  Daycare won't take her back until she's had a normal temperature for 24 hrs.  I dropped off the urine sample this morning and she has a follow up appointment with the pediatrician at 10:30 tomorrow morning.

Now the hard thing is my internal stress about missing work.  I can take my days off as Overtime Days, or as sick days.  I'm not past my 6 months probabation yet, so have no benefits.  In my head, I am terrified they will think I am lying, or trying to avoid working.  I am such a work-a-holic it's very difficult for me to take any time off, particularly if I don't feel entitled to it.  Now I realize that this isn't about entitlement, and my daughter will ALWAYS come first.  But this job is precious to me, after the length of time I have had unemployed anything that feels risky is hard to me to handle.  I feel like I should be doing more all the time rather than enough.  It's easy for me to bury myself in work rather than in my other committments and responsibilities, even at times my daughter.  I have offered even to drive to Niagara to pick up some files and my laptop so I can work on legal stuff that's due next week.  Even though I KNOW how crazy that is, I'm still considering it. 2 hrs drive to maybe get a chance to do 3 hrs of work.... It's not the best scenario.  As it is, I have made some calls, talked to the office a few times, made myself available at my home number and cell number in case anything comes up...AND I will draft what legal documents I can. And suck it up. This is my daughter, she is more important then my job and any company that can't deal with that is not a company I want to work with.  We can handle a few lost paid days for me, while Joe is on the outage, so I should just enjoy the time with her and SUCK IT UP.    I'm dealing with the frustration by cleaning my house... vacumming, laundry etc... which needs to be done anyway...  And watching my daughter play around with a variety of toys she doesn't usually take the time for...  She's also getting an Inuyasha fix...

And getting a chance to talk on MSN and yahoo with a few people I don't normally get to chat with anymore.

Virgo Horoscope for week of June 16, 2005

Virgo (August 23-September 22) The ancient Greek physician Hippocrates is known as the father of medicine. Even today, the approach that he and his followers formulated remains a major influence, epitomized in the Hippocratic Oath sworn by all new doctors. His views on horoscopes might be shocking to some, however. "A physician without a knowledge of astrology," he wrote, "has no right to call himself a physician." I wish modern MDs would take that part of Hippocrates' wisdom as seriously as they do the rest; the art of healing would be more efficacious if it included an understanding of patients' astrological makeup. Now please apply this approach as you revisit the ideas that are at the foundation of what you believe, Virgo. In other words, explore the original sources of your inspiration and education. See if there are vital aspects of the wisdom contained therein that you have missed or ignored.

OK. ... I find it really really interesting, that the week I have spent trying to sort my health out is also the week that FREEWILL mentions Hippocrates in my horoscope... BIZARRE....  Oh, and I had X-Rays of my lungs & sinues and have started on a corticosteriod inhaler.  The inhaler appears to be working wonders.  I have barely coughed for a full day... (course the lifting of the smog advisory might have something to do with that).
( Work stuff )