locus_ofcontro | War rumblings and ramblings

Well, I went to war. I got to some of the classes I wanted to and a lot of parties. I need to do some serious decompression on many levels and am struggling with whether or not this is the right place. Most people who wander through my LJ know me well enough that I don't think there is much that I could write that would be a shock or would be offensive. Lets see... is the baby asleep? Not yet...but here we go anyway..oh and skip the details unless you feel you REALLY need to know.

Arrived Sunday and hit up Mikhail hafla. WONDERFUL. Got there with the dancing knight and stayed a good long time. The music was wonderful, there was open space to dance, melodic instruments and drums.. Water, food and old friends. Lovely way to start the week. Wandered home from there... Monday I struggled myself into a tight bodice and with sufficient amounts of beer, and instruction figured out how MardiGras worked. And boy oh boy it worked well which is of course where the trouble started. There was this one guy... He got to me. Enough that after I left the party - I went back to find him. I should have known better. I also should learn the check the kitchen tent clock before I go to bed. It was the first time since my 19th birthday I had to ask a guy to leave before I passed out on him. Is this where I start to talk about the trouble that started?
Tuesday I was the good little ME girl I always am and danced away. I did my best to ignore the personalities that bother me and had a lovely time dancing with Safa's student Bernie.. I like that girl, I should try to keep in touch.
Wed - household party and Men without Pants. YeeHaw... Now - I'm not entirely sure what the point of the MWP party is (especially if you miss the gauntlet) but it had 2 very good things going for it. The gal I went with - YOU SO ROCK - and the view when we first walked in the gate. Promptly starting the left/right brain arguement... oh wow oh wow /you can't DO that in public... WOW.. Headed back to household to dance with the Safa and others that I love ...and MG boy wandered in. He wasn't too subtle about heading around the fire to see if anyone was around my tent, and I'd already seen him come in the gate... It was a very late, very arousing, very wet, very disturbing, very challenging, very LEFT BRAIN night from that point forward. Damn the pirate. At one point, I thought maybe we'd work something out - he opened up a little - now I realize, that I don't know if anything he said was true. I don't know where he was camped or who with, what his SCA name is, I'm not even SURE what his mundane city was. Mike- with an MCSE - and a self professed damn pirate. With a girlfriend and likely NOT an open relationship. DAMN...and then the rain. So many people packed up and left, I suspect he did too after the rain started... He and she had already talked about it that morning when he dropped by to see me that night...just to say hello...
I could move on from here and detail the rest of the week, but I'm stuck there. I want to know who he was. Where he was from. I'm spending a lot of time working out the common denominators. Every once in a while someone AFFECTS me like this. Pulls me back into my body to FEEL things. As I stand back here lonely I find myself thinking about those people. What is it - what are the common denominators....Confidence, power, demanding. A solid touch. An order. A wispered command. A pull or push into place. A knowing of what it takes to get me beyond the right brain and so solidly into the 'oh wow, oh wow, oh wow". The patience to just wait when the right brain stops everything and I walk away to cool off only to find myself moving back in like a moth to a flame...a borderline disrespect for the "rules of engagement" so to speak but the respect to hear a no and let it go...the ability to read my body, hear my sighs, fuel my passion... A mystery to them, a distance, and a taboo of "you can't have that". Funny, as I write that I realize it's true - as long as I can't have it, I stay drawn to it... how sick is that?

It rained and rained and stopped for a lovely evening of dance on Saturday night... I'm home tired, exhausted, and very far behind in prepping for the shows and getting my promo material done. I need to make some lists... and do some laundry and love my baby... She's happy mommy is home. And mommy will be happy soon too...once I get it into my head that it was a war thing. Hmmm...doesn't look like the LJ Cut is working for me...I'll have to do some research on that too...grre.ereeerrrrr