Being used...

[locus_ofcontro]

Someone told me today that they are using me. Not in any sense where they are using me with an intent to cause me harm or hurt me, but in fact they are hoping that I benefit from our interactions as well. It's more that they are using aspects of who I am, and how I relate with them to learn something and to help them heal.

They are using me to feel better, healthier and stronger in many ways. Physically, emotionally and, I believe, spiritualy.

I asked myself, if I'm ok with that. Am I ok, that I'm bringing good things to this person, HELL yes. I'm happy to bring them happiness in any way I can, even if it's just to be sufficient distraction to keep them from doing something stupid... Or perhaps...the thought of me with a baseball bat aimed at their head, is also healing...whatever. I'm happy to be filling whatever need, I'm filling right now...and it's not costing me anything to be there.

In fact, I'm gaining too. I'm practicing some long dead skills of my spirituality, getting practiced at staying present and facing my fears. I'm learning to trust and be vulnerable and open and spontaneous. I'm remembering that it's ok to feel safe and protected...but be strong and opinionated too...things I feel I've forgotten.

Am I ok with being used? Perhaps the larger question should be....who's using who?

Comments

hmmm

[breathes.livejournal.com]

I thought in a symbiotic relationship, both were gaining from the interaction, and both were being USEFUL, rather then being used.

Re: hmmm

[locus-ofcontrol.livejournal.com]

and that is the question I am pondering.

also, I'm not sure this is a symbiotic relationship. That's another definition I've not applied to the interactions.

am I gaining? Does my fear of being hurt interfere? Am I ok with continuing to be useful, despite the potential for future hurt to myself?