Growing Up

Do the smells and touches that you enjoy change over time?

Do you notice that a scent you once settled into, now pushes you away?

Is it possible that your entire system can make it uncomfortable to be intimate with someone who smells, or feels ....wrong?

What triggers change us from enjoying a scent, taste or touch to moving away from that very thing a short time later?

is it hormonal? psychological? the universe's idea of a bad joke?

Warning... this is rambling...and possibly directionless.

Rob @ the Gig said that sexuality is God's gift to us to share with our lifelong chosen partner. He pushes monogamy, says it is what Christ talks to us about.

I don't think much about what Christ had to say. When the Catholic church annulled my mother's marriage, I no longer existed so I eliminated the middle man and deal with God/Goddess/Spirit/Universe on a one-to-one basis.

Love is meant to be shared. Many people will only allow themselves to feel "loved" in a sexual context. I've met people for whom unconditional, unquestioning and open-hearted love is only something they can experience in the throes of pain. We all contain some aspect of broken sexuality.

In Conversations with God, I read that "Sex is an extraordinary expression of love_ love of another, love of Self, love of life." "The central question in ANY decision is, "what would love do now?" Love for YOURSELF, and love for all others who are affected or involved."

And more "failure to express negative feelings does not make them go away; it keeps them in. Negativity "kept in" harms the body and burdens the soul." and finally, for now "Needing someone is the fastest way to kill a relationship."

An old soul once told me, when I was looking into Wicca for a time, that I'm not here for that this time around. She told me "you are here to heal others, this time. You don't need this to do that." I never went back to that Wiccan meeting, and I'd forgotten all about that until the Gig the other day. I heard a lady say to her partner "I see the you that God meant you to be, the one he created, before your parents and your life and your walls and hurts all happened. I see through that to the you that God made." That was a very real statement to me, and as I look around, I wonder if I often see that in other people.

I have clients that say "I wasn't going to tell you that, you have something, I just start talking to you and telling you things that I KNOW I shouldn't tell you." I'm here to heal people. That floats around in my head a lot.

I know I've done harm to people. I have faith that I do less NOW than I have in the past, as I've become more aware of when I'm working from a space of fear rather then a space of love. I'm learning to check in on myself...and with others when there's a "twinge" of something that feels like I might not have understood it well.

I'm surrounded by people who choose love as a way to live their live. They approach the world and other people from a space of curiousity and desire to learn, to grow. I feel out of my depth many many times, but they are content enough to allow me to float sometimes which helps. God/dess bless them.

This is rambling and unfiltered... and...just the skimming of the top of the thinky thoughts in my head.